Marc, Having just been recently released (sounds better than dumped) from a relationship with (unfortunately) a dear friend and having one of my more cynical moments I wrote a little post on my Facebook entitled, "Having a Cynical Moment: Absurd Things Married People Say to Singles." I wrote it because I couldn't find anything funny on the net. It's not great but I think it reflects some very real dumb statements; thought you might enjoy my musings and moments of sarcasm. Perhaps it could be an inspiration for another article. I enjoy, very much, your writing. Robyn Here it is. K, so, my friend and I are sitting in Starbucks musing over VERY important (some of them were!) theological subjects when we stumbled upon the topic of what our married friends (and non-friends -- my list is growing) say that are, well, less than intelligent ~ never mind theologically improbable and, well, just plain inane. Here they are: • "You try too hard. That's why you're not married. Just relax."
• You're not trying hard enough. Get yourself out there! Get out where? Where should we find a life-mate that loves God - THE CLUBS?
• Another similar one is, "You'll find the one when you least expect it . . .(of these first three . . . I wonder which one got their wisdom from God).
• "You would make such a good pastor's wife" (I got tired of waiting so I just became a pastor) "you'll get married some day!" (I use to hang on that in my 20's. Now when I hear it I just want to hang myself). • "You're too set in your ways" (definitely one of my personal favorites ~ like as if couples don't have daily routines and habits. Hmmm? Isn't that one of the reason's they fight! They want to do what they want to do! We singles, on the other hand, get to peaceably set our habits while they have to get into a fight to establish theirs).
• "You haven't met the one God intended for you" (that one falls into both the "improbable" and "inane" category) Think about it!
• "You can still have a baby." I'm 45! "...but my grandma Klassen had her last baby at 46???" (obviously they failed to see that their grandma Klassen's last baby was number 8! • "You know, marriage can be hard too." (cause everyone always goes into marriage so their life can be more difficult! Everything's a trade off folks. There are both wonderful and excruciating circumstances in both marital status).
• "yeah, but if its meant to be he'll find you" (this one came from a 20 year old. I have no comment).
Here's some from my Starbucks coffee partner (oops, he drank tea): • "You're just not ready yet." (who is? Obviously not one of the 58% who are now divorcing). • "God is doing this so you can help others who are lonely."(Amazing how God contravenes his own creation plan that He, himself, declared VERY good. Equally stunning is what we attribute to divine motivation. Certainly, God can and may likely use it. He's already used me significantly in this area for another's broken heart. But folks! It's not The Reason single people aren't married! • "Maybe you have the gift of..."(my male friend loves this one) to which he usually responds (knowing him) out loud, "maybe you have the gift of being an idiot." • "David didn’t get married until he was in his thirties" Oh man, of course, why didn't we singles think of that! A biblical precedent for all time. Oh man, I should re-take my hermeneutics class! Honestly, how did I miss that? My bible School Buddy echo'd by my friend and neighbour saysThe most common question I seem to get is "why aren't you married yet?" (Bible school buddy says that depending on the day/person/time of year, that can be taken so many ways. Most of the time he just feels like it's their code language for "What’s wrong with you? or "you need fixing! He also feels it's quite an assumption on their part that one even wants to get married. Regardless, my friend’s simple answer is usually...”I haven't met anyone rich enough yet.” He stole my line! My neighbour asked me how one deals with such a question! I told him that depending on how I feel or who it is I respond one of two way: 1. "When my ship came in I was at the airport"
2. (when feeling a little more cynical) "My husband died at birth"
The up side to getting older? People just actually don't even bring up the subject anymore (along with the well meaning but fatuous pronouncements)
Here's the bottom line Trying harder or trying too hard; Being this or not being that; having more faith or praying in more (you fill in the blank) ways is not the reason why many people live without the joy (and headaches) of a life-partner. Assuming relative emotional, mental and spiritual health the reason is nothing more than "it is what it is." We live in a broken world in which Jesus said we would have trouble. He didn't promise to fix the trouble (though in His mercy He sometimes does), He promised us that He had overcome it. Translation? The end run = VICTORY! In some strange way I, personally, draw comfort from the description "collateral damage." I don't mean it in a poor me sense. My goodness, no. It's simply having the courage to face the fact that we humans live in a broken world where broken people make (or don't make) broken decisions. That's why we have single people, happy marriages, unhappy marriages and, sadly, divorce. If you're a relatively healthy single person and nobody can really figure "Why?" you've never been able to find your lifemate (we're assuming the single person has indicated they'd even want one), the best statement (marrieds or 19 year olds) should offer is, "Well, I don't know why! You're (insert a list of positive attributes here - if they're true) and end with, "I really hope someday you find the perfect person for you."
Singleness vs. Marriage: There are both wonderful and excruciating things in either martial category. Everything has its trade offs. Most of us prefer the trade offs of having a best friend to "do" life with (but not at any cost).
So, we prayerfully and patiently and (hopefully) wisely wait (and wade in when opportunities arise) 'cause our situation is likely nothing more than, "it is what it is!"
Here's to all our single friends who desire a lifemate! On a "wing and a prayer. . ." rkm, jb, sr & dbp
